The Mauling News (Archive)
An irreverent look at the news (not) making headlines!
Simpsons or Parliament; which is funnier?
The Simpsons is the longest running animated series on TV ever. Followed closely by Parliament.
Tag Team Julius & Floyd in the (W)EFF
It would seem that the EFF's Floyd and Juju don't like asking for bathroom breaks during parlimentary proceedings. So how do they "go?"
Who wrote Blurred Lines? Not Shaggy.
Springbok flanker Francois Louw will miss the rest of the Castle Lager Rugby Championship due to a pinched nerve. Ironically louw cites this as the louw point in his career.
Second-rate soccer, (e)scape goats and flop-friends.
The secret is out; We now know where Taylor Swift finds the inspiration for her songwriting!
A kid caught commiting a crime?
Crooked kids, Merry Mancs, Scottish Specie, Mayweather's money and Chuck Norris; what more could you want in The Mauling News?
Rock fossils and Rolling Stones
The Vatican called Barry Roux to inform him that he has been nominated for a sainthood after getting a disabled man to walk.
Amnesia, persecution, cannibalism; all in one go!
Only one day after the end of his ban FC Barcelona have confirmed that Luis Suarez will be able to play against Real Madrid on 25 October. No starters, just strait to the mains.
So much for "don't kiss and tell!"
Despite Bafana vs Nigeria in CAPE TOWN... both are said to have the homeground advantage!
Our President Jacob Zuma returns from Russia. With love.
Pres Zuma returns from Russia with love in time to find out that the public protector is working for the CIA, Jill Marcus is raising bonds (James Bonds) and that earthquake from a few weeks ago has left this country shaken, not stirred.
An unfavourable weekend for sport fans in KZN
The sporting world was turned upside down this last week end; Springboks lost to Aussies, the Sharks lost to Griquas, the Cheetahs lost to Pumas and Federer & Djokovic were both knocked out of the US Open semi-finals. Thanks Bafana Bafana for throwing the sporting universe into disarray.
Dalai Lama denied entry to SA
The DA's Helen Zille is having difficulty interpreting the Spy Tapes. It appears to be her first time accessing double sided spy tape.
Chris Brown is dis functional and depressed
This Sunday Carte Blanche will reflect on the challenges facing Jacob Zuma. We weren't aware that carte Blanche was a 24 hour dedicated channel.
Chris Brown pleads guilty
The Ivory Coast approves if a football match amid Ebola fears. Players are not concerned You pass Ebola, you stop Ebola you kick Ebola egoaaaaaaaaaaala!
Lesotho 'coup'
Most SA's are surprised at the attempted military coup in Lesotho over the weekend. Most knew you could get store bought koo but military koo is another thing altogether.
Zim historically beat Aus
Nicolas Cage has bought a 67-million-year-old dinosaur skull. I think there is something unethical about cage kept dinosaurs
Malema and EFF MPs have been suspended
The South African police services are changing their name but in a cost saving measure will keep the acronym SAPS except now it means… All revealed in today’s Mauling News
The mouth of a jelly fish is also it's anus
The WORLD HEALTH ORGANISATION or WHO has told us not to fear Ebola in SA. Who made who the last word on this, why have what where and why been so quiet?
Tough day for news journalists
Yesterday was a tough day for news journalists what with Generations actors press conference, security cluster report, lonmin commission and Parliament on eff. No one knew which one was the soapie or the Drama or the reality or the horror
Happy Manchester United fans
Juju has proven what capitalists have known for years. When you owe the tax man money you have 2 options. Bankruptcy or presidency
The gay Olympics
Only one week after our 5.3 mag earthquake, San Francisco harbor in California USA Experiece a mag 6 earthquake, those damn yanks - always have to be bigger and better!