1. Angela Merkel replaces Boris Johnson as British Prime Minister 2. Eishkom energy experiment behind the parliamentary fire 3. Novax Djokovid tests negative for human gene
• Eskom launches battery powered vehicle • Limpopo farmers claim responsibility for Omicron variant • The Springboks and All Black join forces in grudge match against the north • Traffic Department announce vehicle social distancing measures for the holidays
• South Africa’s first National Erection goes off without a hitch • Rassie Erasmus lashes out against the real culprits behind his disciplinary hearing
• South Africa to implement new awareness test for foreign tourists • Vaguely News obtains secret recording of behind closed doors discussion of the upcoming behind closed doors Rassie Erasmus disciplinary hearing.
• Wallaby-wannabe Quade Cooper granted South African citizenship • ANC heavyweight, Carl Niehaus set to charge everyone in South Africa • President Ramaphosa adjusts lockdown to level eleventy thirty for Zuma
• President Ramaphosa announces plan to buy votes • US President Donald Trump kidnapped by Peppa Pig • Scientists to begin research into vaccines to treat lack of intelligence
• British PM Boris Johnson applies for political asylum in South Africa • Zimbabwe sold to Malaysian consortium • Scientists caution against euphoria outbreak amongst middle-aged ABBA fans
• Jacob Zuma welcomes the probe into his arms business • Vaguely News Environmental expert Jonathan Peacemaker reports from the site of an alleged chemical leak in Durban • The worldwide vaccination drive is leading to outbreaks of living people
• Eskom CEO Andre de Ruyter calls on South Africans to stop using electricity • South Africa to experience more rainy days this summer • South African Human Exposure Medical Group advises all South Africans to socially distance from government officials
• President Jacob Zuma applies to have his name changed • Looters to help with clean-up efforts • US government denies Pfizer vaccines donation to South Africa has conditions
7 Aug 2021
2 min
100 – 120
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